Blending In

Why does my blender have so many bleeping functions?

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It’s not even a “fancy” blender. In fact, we’re going blender shopping this weekend because this old blender is as good at blending as a snake is at walking. What I don’t understand is the difference between all of these functions.

Confession: I’ve only used this blender a handful of times in the three years we’ve had it. But it’s only got one set of blades and no matter which of these buttons I push, I swear it does the exact same thing. Proof: I made a smoothie this morning using the Puree setting. For the past five days, I’ve made smoothies using the Blend setting. The difference? Not one thing. Not…a…single…thing.

I’m not disappointed by the fact. After all, I’ve always been under the impression that a blender should…well, blend. I’ve got a fancy-shmancy food processor that takes care of anything more hardcore. So it’s no big deal.

But it confuses me. What are all these settings supposed to do?!

Stir? Wouldn’t a spoon take up less space in the dishwasher? And what’s the difference between Grate and Shred? And WTF does Mix mean? I’d assume that ALL of these settings technically “mix” the ingredients.

I’ve drawn two conclusions. Conclusion #1: The buttons were a ploy to increase the cost of the blender (which thankfully, I didn’t pay for) by making it seem cooler than it really is. Conclusion #2: I really don’t understand my blender or how to use it properly, and should probably leave the choosing of the new blender in my husband’s capable hands. Unfortunately, I know myself well enough to know it’s probably my second guess.

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One thought on “Blending In

  1. Where is the putrefy button? …apparently you need that for green vegetables.
    Oh and don’t even get me started on all those extra function buttons on microwaves…
    Just sayin.

    Like

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