It brings me to tears

In my first post, I talked a lot about meat.  I can’t cook meat.

Meat is the least of my problems.

I’m a soup fanatic.  I eat soup every single day.  Wait, I should be more specific:  I eat canned soup every day.  But as I prepared my weekly shopping list yesterday, I thought, a real chef would make her own soup.  I found a great recipe on Pinterest and I set aside some time today to make it.  It starts like this:

Ingredients:  1 cup onion, chopped.

I often cook with onions, but the thing is, I’ve never learned how to properly dice an onion.  My usual method involves cutting the onion in half and hitting it repeatedly with the blade of the knife until it’s in small enough pieces to cook.  As I prepped my ingredients today, I loaded a Chef Ramsay onion-chopping instructional video and made an attempt to cut an onion the “right” way.  Initially, I was on the right path:

But despite being as careful as possible, things quickly started to fall apart:

And the end result was a pile of unequally-sized pieces of onion, created by my hitting them repeatedly with the blade of the knife until they were small enough to use in the recipe.

Just in case you aren’t in agreement with how hopeless my onion-chopping skills are, I must tell you this:  immediately after I finished “chopping” the onion, I dropped the knife blade-first and nearly amputated a toe or two.  I proceeded to transfer the chopped onion into the pot before scraping the excess into the trash can–which I missed entirely, resulting in several chunks of onion falling down the heating duct.  Congratulations, self, you’ve ensured your house will smell like onion for weeks to come.

Yeah, I told you I was an awful cook.


3 thoughts on “It brings me to tears

  1. Pingback: The mandolin slicer just doesn’t cut it « Me Cook Yummy One Day

  2. You just sliced too far into the root part. Only do your initial cuts about 3/4 of the way until you get good at it. Also, get some stuff to practice slicing and chopping on. DO it slow. You need to teach your muscles what you want them to do. Once you’ve done it a few dozen times you’ll start to speed up automatically.

    And keep your knives sharp!


    • Ah yes, after this horrible disaster I did learn that my mistake was cutting too close to the root. I’m still not perfect, but I’ve definitely improved. Now I just need to learn how to slice a darn tomato without squishing it to death…



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