In my first post, I talked a lot about meat. I can’t cook meat.
Meat is the least of my problems.
I’m a soup fanatic. I eat soup every single day. Wait, I should be more specific: I eat canned soup every day. But as I prepared my weekly shopping list yesterday, I thought, a real chef would make her own soup. I found a great recipe on Pinterest and I set aside some time today to make it. It starts like this:
Ingredients: 1 cup onion, chopped.
I often cook with onions, but the thing is, I’ve never learned how to properly dice an onion. My usual method involves cutting the onion in half and hitting it repeatedly with the blade of the knife until it’s in small enough pieces to cook. As I prepped my ingredients today, I loaded a Chef Ramsay onion-chopping instructional video and made an attempt to cut an onion the “right” way. Initially, I was on the right path:
But despite being as careful as possible, things quickly started to fall apart:
Just in case you aren’t in agreement with how hopeless my onion-chopping skills are, I must tell you this: immediately after I finished “chopping” the onion, I dropped the knife blade-first and nearly amputated a toe or two. I proceeded to transfer the chopped onion into the pot before scraping the excess into the trash can–which I missed entirely, resulting in several chunks of onion falling down the heating duct. Congratulations, self, you’ve ensured your house will smell like onion for weeks to come.
Yeah, I told you I was an awful cook.